May 2018 – The Hobart Chinaman

At the team meeting. Ice breakers.

What a jaded idea. With notice of the meeting we all have to provide two truths and a lie, about ourselves. Hhmm. Is not being able to make up a lie about yourself a reflection on your character? Worse what if you can’t find anything truthful which is at the same time entertaining, not to revealing, but most importantly not boring. If not, are you by definition a boring twat?

Ggrrr. I come up with some trite ideas, none that meet the cut. Then I overhear there are websites dedicated to this! When I get over my amazement, sheepishly I log on! There are reams of this stuff, or nowadays should I say screenfuls.

I choose one site sifting through about eighty three one liners I eliminate most of them through a process I can’t even follow. I get it down to two truths.

The first is

“I have never broken a bone in my body”

Perhaps by adding greater specificity this potential 50/50 truth or lie can be transformed into a more feasible lie

So it becomes

“I have never broken a bone in my lower body, upper body or skull.”

Ah ha I think I’m getting the gist of this. I read a second truth,

“I have more than 20 cousins”

Mhh, more transformation needed so after a quick finger count this becomes,

“I have at least 25 non-transgender cousins”

That should tickle the lie detectors in the audience granting them the space to arc up about the absolute number or the reverse reference to sexual preference or biology somehow at the forefront of today’s social conscience.

Now for a lie! Looking at myself, I can sense a grand opportunity. Starting with,

“I’m a Falun Gong practitioner,”

I reckon there’s gotta be stuff that I can add. What better than Wikipedia! And there it is,

“Falun Gong a modern Chinese spiritual practice that combines meditation and qigong exercises with a moral philosophy centered on the tenets of truthfulness, compassion, and forbearance.”

Bugger it, go for it.

So there they are

I have never broken a bone in my lower body, upper body or skull
Falun Gong a modern Chinese spiritual practice that combines meditation and qigong exercises with a moral philosophy centered on the tenets of truthfulness, compassion, and forbearance
I have at least 25 non-transgender cousins

I stick my hand up to go second in the ice break which builds teams and social cohesion. Not like me really but I’m so anxious to try this out. After reading out the statements folk are focused on numbers one and three, both as lies.

I’m chuckling.

Goes to show that appearances can deceive!